Wednesday, June 3, 2009

The Perfection of Imperfection

No one would ever make the mistake of saying that I'm anywhere close to perfect. That, however, didn't stop me from thinking that I could somehow pull off this crazy thing called pregnancy with ease and grace. I really wanted to be that superwoman who is able to keep the house clean, stay on top of absolutely everything at work, manage to work in all the doctor's appointments and get the errands run all while maintaining an outward calmness and keeping a smile on my face. I've discovered that this mythical creature I created in my mind back when I first found out I was pregnant is a complete fabrication and an impossible standard to hold myself to.

The truth is that I was very lucky during my first trimester that I didn't really have much morning sickness. My second trimester had me constantly worried about feeling the baby move in my belly. The third trimester has been a little more complicated and all the while I've been dealing with swollen feet, an aching body, illusive sleep, hormonal tendencies (just call me crabby) that Scott can attest to and a constant fear that I'm somehow not going to be able to handle everything once Elmo is born. I know this is all normal but nothing feels normal when you're going through it for the first time. I've loved being pregnant but as my due date grows ever closer, this ridiculous need to be perfect and knowing that I can't acheive that perfection is doing a number on my psyche.

Fortunately, there is a bright spot in all of this self-doubt. His name is Scott. He has been an ever-present source of strength and comfort, especially over the last few weeks. When I'm having a bad day, he is there to cheer me up. When I'm whining over something silly (hormones again), he sees through it and just gives me a hug which always makes everything better. He does the dishes (I can no longer reach the sink very well), helps around the house, carries all the heavy stuff and does his best to keep a smile on my face (not an easy feat when I'm usually going on four hours of sleep). Simply said, I couldn't have gotten this far without him. His love and support have meant the world to me. I'm incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful and caring husband. I am never going to be "perfect" and I can deal with that. What is perfection to me, however, is how Scott and I have gotten through the last several months supporting each other the whole way.

1 comment:

  1. I just got back online from home and am catching up on your blog...I'm so glad you have Scott there. I don't think pregnancy is something anyone should really ever *have* to deal with all the ramifications of all on your own. You're growing a person! How could you possible stay on top of home, work, family, friends, etc. All of that stuff can be time-consuming enough on its own.

    I'm glad you're healthy and that someone's there to support you. -Elizabeth